Editor’s note: the Australian saying “We’re not here to f%&k (or fornicate with) spiders” is a phrase that colloquially means “Stop messing around, we have more important things to do.”

We all have our own paths that we take. Whether we like it or not, we are shaped by the environments that we grow in. For me, I grew up in a fairly conservative Christian household. While I have abandoned some of that theology, it was a gateway to why I believe what I believe today. Similarly, it’s also the reason I approach drugs and alcohol the way I do. While not necessarily the direct environment for my youth, I was around it way more than I would have liked. As I came into adulthood I learned about the secret drug practices I also seemed to have grown up around. 

Growing up I had hair down to my nipples. I lived very much the virgin equivalent of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Due to my appearance, however, I was often stereotyped to drink heavily, smoke weed fluidly, and have sex regularly - none of which were true. People were genuinely shocked when they learned I had never done drugs, never smoked weed, or experienced that in any way shape or form. Even at age 30 I still wear that title with bold proudness. While I do drink, it’s only occasionally and limited to one, maybe two, drinks. Drugs nearly destroyed the family I hold dear. My story was almost completely different. 

I’ve used this platform as a place to inform people about the mental health dangers of addiction and alcoholism while simultaneously warning about how both can lead to forms of suicide. I also don’t want anyone to feel condemned for enjoying a beer or smoking; you do you. That’s not my heart, but rather to share where I’ve been and my relationship to everything. Movies like Australia’s We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders have taught me the dangers of such lifestyles. Spiders tells the story of Anton (Lindsay Farris), a small town drug kingpin, and his operation. Spiders is a really interesting film to describe because it doesn’t just fit one thing.

Typically when you think about found footage, your mind generally gravitates towards horror. Movies like The Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity, and the films featured in our coverage of The Unnamed Film Festival prove my point. Spiders is set up as a found footage film but rather than use that as a gimmick, it is used to develop the film’s narrative. I know the argument can be made that other films have done the same, but Spiders is indescribably unique in that vein in my opinion. The first act feels like a random assortment of videos that have no connective tissue. As the film develops though it finds an identity as Shakespearean crime noir. The film had me guessing the entire time with what would happen next.

In the midst of all of everything that Spiders is lies bizarre comical moments. It’s the kind of humor that literally comes out of nowhere. It has a really brilliant approach to its found footage undertone. Spiders holds nothing back. To call it a bold film would be a minor understatement. The film does not pull punches the way in which it paints its drug-induced setting. More than that, it’s central relationship between Farris and co-star Stephanie King opens up the door for some truly uncomfortable scenes. Several occurances of physical, verbal, and even a potential sexual assault make this movie uncomfortable at times. Spiders is not for the faint of heart. It’s Harris' performance that really seals the deal, making Spiders incredibly effective. He is the ideal antagonist and subtly dominates every scene he is in. 

Overall, We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders is a surprisingly hard film to nail down but it’s secretly a brilliant film. Josh Reed, the writer and director, presents a compelling found footage film that develops into a crime noir of Shakespearean proportions. The lead performance from Lindsay Farris is stunning. Farris develops a high-caliber performance without a second thought. It’s bold, sneakily funny at times, and uncompromising. We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders means business, comes out swinging, and doesn’t stop. 

RORSCHACH RATING:

Mental Health Moment: Without spoiling too much of the film, it’s obvious that Stephanie King’s character is clearly unhappy in this relationship. She has found herself inside a violent relationship. Her boyfriend is verbally and physically abusive. Not to mention that there is also a scene where the character is implied to have been raped. Yet she has a plan. Again, I promise I won’t spoil it. 

I feel like I can’t really speak to these types of relationships. I’ve never been in a relationship where I’ve been the one to be the abuser. I can’t even really speak to abusive relationships. I’ve had toxic relationships, but never to this level of abuse. I know it’s easier said than done but understand that everything you are experiencing, should you be in a relationship like this, is not your fault. You are worth so much more than what the abuser has to say. I want to emphasize that and also demonstrate that you are not alone. Please consider a domestic violence resource such as this.

If you or someone you know is reading this right now and struggling with suicide, depression, addiction, or self-harm - please reach out. Comment, message, or tweet at us. Go to victimsandvillains.net/hope for more resources. Call the suicide lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Text "HELP" to 741-741. There is hope & you DO have so much value and worth!

Victims and Villains is written (and produced) by Josh "Captain Nostalgia" Burkey and others, and edited by Cam Smith. We’re Not Here to Fuck Spiders is property of Known Associates. Music by Mallory Johnson and others. We do not own nor claim any rights.

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