Grief is a hard thing to process. When you mix in the "what if…" scenarios of life, that process becomes increasingly harder. I was seventeen, the first time I ever experienced this process. Whether you're a new reader or long time listener, this is my genesis for mental health advocacy. I feel like we all have those friends that you primarily only discuss one thing with. Maybe not the deepest relationship but hey, that's okay. Those have purposes too. For me, this gentleman was my metal friend. He was largely one of the biggest influences when it came to what I listen to. Arguably might be one of the reasons that I did music after he died. He was the guy I would talk music about.

In late January of 2009, he took his own life. Being that young suicide is never something I was ready to understand. However, now it is something that has forever forged my marriage, career and passion. When you lose someone to suicide, for the first time, you begin hitting stop on your VCR of memories and just rewinding to every conversation. You begin asking what could I have done or said differently to have kept that person here with me. I didn't understand the importance of value until Adam. I didn't understand identity or worth until you took his own life. Thus, grief met my own unforgiveness. I spent the next six months coping, coming to grips with what had happened and finding a way to prevent others from feeling what I had felt. 

For his feature film debut, writer-director (& composer) Al White, brings us such a journey via Starfish. The film follows Aubrey (Virginia Gardener)'s journey of grief, following a friend. However, said journey gets interrupted when she is thrust into a journey to find seven mixtapes and stop inter-dimensional monsters. I feel like even in describing the plot somebody is probably thinking this is a crazy weird Science Fiction film that sounds completely bonkers. In some regards, you are correct. This movie is absolutely insane in how it evolves from one frame to the next. In every regard, it is one of those movies that you have to pay heavy attention to detail. This movie thrives on it. Starfish is in every regard an arthouse film. In that light, not everyone will get what the movie is attempting to say. Thus, viewers might write it off as just nonsensical and weird.

However, I have to admit, I can see where the other side of the camp lives but I'm not there. This film is an honest endeavor filled with symbolism and infused with every frame thriving on intention. It has a purpose. White is a master of all three crafts. While the non-composition songs, help fuel the arthouse feel of the film. It is in the actual score that true beauty starts to take shape. The score is phenomenal. When it is matched with the warm palettes on screen - thanks to cinematographer Alberto Banares - Starfish slowly becomes an unforgettable experience. The pacing of the film has almost a ballet-esque evolution. It starts off rather slowly but has such a beautiful evolution to it. At the center of said evolution is Virginia Gardener. Her performance will leave you speechless. She is mesmerizing with every frame. There is a transcendent quality that allows her to almost embody grief.

Overall, Starfish, is a whirlwind debut from Al White. For a film that centers on grief, it explodes its' narrative with boldness, uniqueness and an experience that is sure to shake you. Nothing short of masterful. White's use of symbolism allows the film to go into bold and weird directions, while also remaining true to its vision. Everything feels intentional and never out of place. The score by White continues to breathe new life into said vision - bringing a new layer of emotion to the cinematic experience. Virginia Gardener almost feels like the persona of grief. Her ability to conquer the natural and fantastical side by side is incredible. Gardener is a name to keep your eye on. Starfish might center itself on the grieving process, but the film is nothing of the sort. 

RORSCHACH RATING

If you or someone you know is reading this right now and you are struggling with suicide, depression, addiction, or self-harm - please reach out. Comment, message or tweet to us. Go to victimsandvillains.net/hope for more resources. Call the suicide lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Text "HELP" to 741-741. There is hope & you DO have so much value and worth!

Victims and Villains is written and produced by Josh "Captain Nostalgia" Burkey. Music by Yuriy Bespalov & Beggars. Starfish is property of We Are Tessellate, 3RoundBurst Entertainment, & Spellbound Entertainment. We do not own nor claim any rights.

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